There is a famous how-to sales book called “Getting to Yes”. If only there was such a book when pitching the most important sales pitch in most men’s lives: getting the girl to say yes.
It seems so hard to understand women, doesn’t it?
If you’re here reading this, I’ll assume you’ve been in a relationship before. It probably went something like this…
There’s the initial honeymoon or puppy dog love phase where you can’t do anything wrong. You overlook her faults, and she overlooks yours.
Then, at some point, the hormonal rush wears off. It always does.
Some people think that the hormonal high of the first stage IS love and break up because reality settles in before the relationship can deepen. For everyone else, there is the perception of a perfect relationship until it skids to a stop with the first fight.
This is a danger zone for every man. It strikes when you are least prepared to handle it. And most men handle it the wrong way.
He asks her, “What’s wrong?” And the classic answer is, “Nothing.”
Pushing for more information can cause her to blow up, and leaving it at that leads to a simmering boil until she blows up, angry at both the original issue and the fact that you didn’t try to understand. It seems like a no win situation.
If you can make it through this fire, your relationship has a chance of succeeding long term. But it seems like a hit and miss proposition.
So where do you start? What do you do in these situations? What should you say?
If you can figure that out, how do you get her to say the most important word, “Yes”?
This conundrum isn’t just during the first fight. You want to learn how to get her to say yes to a date when asking her out for the first time. It doesn’t matter to her how reluctant you are to ask her out or the emotional risk you are taking that you could be both rejected and humiliated.
How then can you avoid this risk? And how can you improve the odds she’ll say yes?
The biggest mistake men make when talking to women is talking to women as if they weren’t men.
Huh? What does that mean? Let me explain…
It means not treating her like an object, as if you are throwing out catch phrases to find the magic command to get her in bed. It means talking to her like a guy, like a person, engaging her in discussion as a human being.
Talk to her as if she is a person, with eye contact and social graces. If you look down at the floor and recite a script you read online or from a book, she’s going to see you as not just an actor but a lousy one at that. And she’ll know that you are treating her like a prop.
Instead, talk to her like one of the guys, though one of your more refined and civilized ones. Smile often.
Treat it like a job interview, answering her questions politely and to the point. The less you say, the less opportunity to put your foot in your mouth or look like a fool by rambling incoherently.
Encourage her to talk, so you can learn about her and build trust. She won’t say yes if she doesn’t trust you.
Talk to her like one of the guys. Don’t seek to dominate the conversation or throw out witty memorized pick up lines.
She has girlfriends in her life. She doesn’t need you to be ultra-sensitive or gush about how you love XYZ that she seems to be interested in.
Show strength in your convictions, without needing to rationalize it. Be solid and reliable without being a self-centered jerk.
Once you’ve built up a solid bond, ask her. Ask her out, ask her to be your girlfriend, ask her to the dance or whatever else you need to ask her to do.
At this point, there’s nothing she can say but yes.